I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
