I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
