Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
