Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize