I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
