we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
