I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
