Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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