I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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