Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
