You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
