I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
