YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize