what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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