I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
