Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
did i just pee glitter
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
