Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
