Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
