I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
