if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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