I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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