The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize