and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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