So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
