Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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