i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
