I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
