Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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