Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
