i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
