OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
