Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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