And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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