I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
