Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
