You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
