I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
