tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize