Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
