I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
