jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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