he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
