i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
