I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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