we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
