just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
