mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
