Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
