I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
