I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
