Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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