oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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