if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i already hear my dad disowning me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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