I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize