i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
