It's like God shit irony all over that family
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
