So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
