Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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