While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
