So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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