he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
